When I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in Dec 2017 I believed I would die before my wife
even though she is 3 years older.
However she does have bouts of asthma.
Now with COVID-19 I am worried she might die before me.
From a selfish perspective I would be lost without her and not just emotionally.
I have come to depend on her for so many things involving math, paying bills and making complex plans that I used to do.
I will need help for paying bills. That should not be too difficult for someone else to do.
I can still drive and shop for groceries.
I can cook for myself.
I can read a novel and follow it.
I can take my medications.
Thus up till today I did not realize how vulnerable I would be for day to day living.
Today I seem to have more trouble with recent memory
and I have to check with her what I was planning to do in the short term.
I can muddle through it and do what I need to do.
It's just surprising how I easily what I plan to do can get forgotten with a slight distraction of thinking about what I am writing about that day.
It's all about the "hereafter".
I go in the next room and wonder what I am here after.
I wrote this in my YEAR ONE book but it has clearly become worst.
I ask my wife today if I repeat the same story a few times a day.
She says no but you do ask what's for dinner 3 times a day.
I wear a iWatch and a Fit Bit so I am good for time and date without needing her.
Also temperature.
I am diligent at filling my google calendar with events which I check frequently.
Not so important now with COVID-19 stay at home orders.
Maybe if she dies my relatives will put me into Independent living facility?
I am ready for that someday while she is alive.
but with her help I was hoping to stay at home for a long time.
I have a large library and movie collection and an 85 inch Samsung TV screen.
My hopes are that I can stay at home with her for three years before I lose ADL's
Activities of Daily Living.
Even if I get help with the financial side, living alone seems like a dangerous proposition.
If I fall again and no one knows it could be fatal.
I could wear an alarm around my neck.
I still drive and do grocery shopping 2-3 times a week before the COVID-19 epidemic.
I enjoy doing that and I can do it without a grocery list.
I can walk a mile around my Topeka home by following the sidewalk in a circle.
I would like to get back to Topeka as soon as possible. Maybe early June.
I don't worry about the travel and I don't fear getting COVID-19.
I have diabetes and am 67 years old so I would be high risk for death.
I know my time is coming soon and I have had a great life.
I don't fear loneliness.
My imagination and creativity fill my hours.
We have a Newfoundland dog in Kansas.
I miss her here in Florida in shut down.
On my own I would probably get another dog and maybe a cat.
I just fear losing my wife with the COVID-19 epidemic.
even though she is 3 years older.
However she does have bouts of asthma.
Now with COVID-19 I am worried she might die before me.
From a selfish perspective I would be lost without her and not just emotionally.
I have come to depend on her for so many things involving math, paying bills and making complex plans that I used to do.
I will need help for paying bills. That should not be too difficult for someone else to do.
I can still drive and shop for groceries.
I can cook for myself.
I can read a novel and follow it.
I can take my medications.
Thus up till today I did not realize how vulnerable I would be for day to day living.
Today I seem to have more trouble with recent memory
and I have to check with her what I was planning to do in the short term.
I can muddle through it and do what I need to do.
It's just surprising how I easily what I plan to do can get forgotten with a slight distraction of thinking about what I am writing about that day.
It's all about the "hereafter".
I go in the next room and wonder what I am here after.
I wrote this in my YEAR ONE book but it has clearly become worst.
I ask my wife today if I repeat the same story a few times a day.
She says no but you do ask what's for dinner 3 times a day.
I wear a iWatch and a Fit Bit so I am good for time and date without needing her.
Also temperature.
I am diligent at filling my google calendar with events which I check frequently.
Not so important now with COVID-19 stay at home orders.
Maybe if she dies my relatives will put me into Independent living facility?
I am ready for that someday while she is alive.
but with her help I was hoping to stay at home for a long time.
I have a large library and movie collection and an 85 inch Samsung TV screen.
My hopes are that I can stay at home with her for three years before I lose ADL's
Activities of Daily Living.
Even if I get help with the financial side, living alone seems like a dangerous proposition.
If I fall again and no one knows it could be fatal.
I could wear an alarm around my neck.
I still drive and do grocery shopping 2-3 times a week before the COVID-19 epidemic.
I enjoy doing that and I can do it without a grocery list.
I can walk a mile around my Topeka home by following the sidewalk in a circle.
I would like to get back to Topeka as soon as possible. Maybe early June.
I don't worry about the travel and I don't fear getting COVID-19.
I have diabetes and am 67 years old so I would be high risk for death.
I know my time is coming soon and I have had a great life.
I don't fear loneliness.
My imagination and creativity fill my hours.
We have a Newfoundland dog in Kansas.
I miss her here in Florida in shut down.
On my own I would probably get another dog and maybe a cat.
I just fear losing my wife with the COVID-19 epidemic.
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